


Run and Hit.

by fiveroundsrapid



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Elinor Lives, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9641048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveroundsrapid/pseuds/fiveroundsrapid
Summary: I am a terrible human being who has written an awful angsty oneshot, or possibly twoshot if people like it, where it is set in 'I Do, I Do, I Do,' but Bernie gets hit.





	1. Chapter 1

"- I was the last to hear about your bizarre sapphic mid-life crisis." Ellie all but spat the words out, heated and furious at the party of three; her mother, her cousin and the woman who was now apparently her mother's latest fling. Bernie Wolfe. 

Serena merely rolled her eyes at this; "Oh for heaven's sake!"

"She's not a lesbian. It's more complicated than that." Jason explained with a shrug.

"Look, can we just calm down, I'm sure we can fix this." Bernie tried to reason, knowing that the last thing Serena wanted was to have anything on her swarming about the hospital, never mind their fledgling relationship. Truth be told, she'd love nothing more than to hold Serena's hand, be there for her but this was her daughter; her job. Bernie didn't have any part in playing parent. And didn't Elinor know that as she rolled her eyes at the display from the trauma medic.

"No, you know what?" Attention back on Serena. "Forget it! Clearly, you're too busy with your own life and I'm not part of that, so-" And with that she stormed off, making her dramatic exit. Serena let out a sigh of frustration; surely there would be a time where one didn't want to shake their offspring into behaving like a proper adult? Serena followed her, heading out of the hospital and Jason made to head that way as well.

"Jason?" Bernie asked, puzzled as she had turned back to AAU to leave mother and daughter to it, but Jason didn't listen. Bernie gave a sigh and made after him. " No! Jason!"  
She tried to talk to Jason all the way down to Pulses, to get him to understand that this was between Serena and Ellie and that they should leave them to it, but Jason seemed determined to be a part of it, claiming that all the people in the family should have a say when there was a domestic, and it was his primary responsibility that this had happened due to telling Ellie something that had made her upset in the first place. And by the time Bernie opened her mouth to reply they were all outside, Serena calling for Ellie to come back.

"Ellie." She tried before she raised her voice, more annoyed. "Ellie!" A porter rolled past them, bin bags of bedsheets all tied up in a metal cage his job as they were wheeled on rickety concrete to the Hospital Entrance. It halted Jason and Bernie's progress but Serena and Ellie were way ahead, Ellie nearing her car.

"Hi, Mike." Jason addressed the porter. "Can't stop. We're having a bit of domestic at the moment." Mike gave a nod of his head in acknowledgment as he wheeled past. Bernie put a hand on Jason's shoulder so he turned and faced her.

"Jason, I really think it's best if you head inside," Bernie told him, care and compassion on her face as she looked at the young man with fondness. Jason was a lovely boy, and utterly adored by AUU and it's staff, despite what Serena named as his _idiosyncrasies_. Bernie too had come to love him as her own. Indeed, he spoke rather more to her than her own children and was very supportive of Serena and Bernie. "Serena can talk this out with Ellie, and we can do inside and get lunch for everyone, hm?"

"Ellie, I don't want you driving when you're upset. You've not had any sleep, come back inside!" Serena shouted and Bernie's attention flicked up at the sound, worried brown orbs taking in the car park. Ellie was already in the car, engine running, Serena in front, anger now dissipated into motherly anguish. The car revved.   
Everything was slow motion. And Bernie was pushing Jason to the side, a clear path opened up for her, a clear run up as Serena's arm raised, her cry of; "Just, STOP!" echoing in her ears as the car sped up. Serena was in danger. Serena was going to get hit if she didn't run.

"Serena!" Bernie all but screamed as she launched forwards, running past Jason, with all the athleticism she could muster after being in the RAMC for the best part of 25 years. She ran towards Serena and pushed her out of the way. Serena went flying, balance lost, events confusing as her brain tried to register anything but the hard grit of the road, digging into her palms as she hit the ground.

But then she heard a THUD. Then she heard the squeal of breaks and looked up. Then she heard Jason, yelling for Doctor Bernie. _Bernie_. Then Serena looked to her side, to the front of where the car had stopped, and saw blonde waves matted with gravel. And in a sharp contrast, as everything was, to her first day back, to Bernie being back from Ukraine, her name slipped past Serena's lips, this time contorted with terror.

" _Bernie_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You lovely people persuaded me to continue this and I must say, the bug has hit so I wouldn't totally be averse to continuing this. Just a quick heads up; I have no medical training or experience. I just watch the odd medical drama and have google on my side so... enjoy x

She crawls. Concrete sliding against the fabric of her work trousers, feather touch of her hair against her forehead is a cruel contrast with the hard grit digging into her palms as she pulls herself along the road, towards the body. No, not the body. Not the body. _Bernie_. It was Bernie who had pushed her out of the way of the car. Oh god, _no_.

And suddenly sound floods her ears; Jason is yelling, yelling, yelling. Ellie is already out of the car, no wounds visible, there are sirens in the distance, round the other side of the hospital, at the ER. Why the hell were they there? They needed to be here! Here, saving Bernie, looking after Bernie. Oh, she wasn't moving. Why wasn't she moving? 

A shuddering gasp, a raw swallow against a dry throat before Serena can find her voice; "Bernie! Oh, oh god. Can we get some help here, please?" She reaches Bernie. Her face is down on the road, her body sprawled like a rag doll. Serena takes hold of Bernie's arm. Warm, but somehow she hates that, hates that she seems so alive in one respect and yet she's _still not moving_. Fear chills her to the core. She brushes Bernie's ridiculously messy hair from her face, shaking the small pebbles. But there's a flash of red along her forehead, threading into gold as it meets her hairline. Serena's teeth clench; to stay strong. She cannot lose Bernie.

"Mum?" Ellie's small, whispering voice filters through, and Serena blinks back the tears that are formed. She wants to move, to comfort her daughter but her hand is still on Bernie's shoulder, shaking her limp form. Doctor be damned, she's a loved one now. "Mum?"

"Can we get some help here!" Serena suddenly roars, the hand on Bernie's shoulder tightening, keeping her close in some shape or form, keeping her safe like she had done, by pushing her out of the way. Stupid, stupid, brave Bernie. Serena looks to the hospital entrance, and now she can see Jason; he's sat down on the floor, with his hands over his ears. He had been shouting but now all they are are whispers, much like when Jason had thought Alan died. Serena's heart tugged at the sight of him, but then her eyes wander past.

Help had arrived. Stretchers and staff all running towards them. 

Ellie is still stood behind her, cuddling herself. Serena gets to her feet, letting her hands fall away from Bernie but as soon as they had her loaded up onto the gurney. Her view was obscured as medics flooded around Bernie, and then she was being rushed off; all the usual talk of oxygen, trauma, bloods, spines and injuries. It all washed over her, till she felt Ellie's hand on her shoulder. Serena let out a whimper.

"Mum, I am so sorry! I never ment for this to happen!" Ellie burst out with the words, unable to contain it but Serena all but brushed her off, running to Jason now. She hated to leave Bernie, saw a glimpse as she was rolled into the hospital. But Jason needed calming down, Jason needed her now and she could do nothing to help Bernie.

Serena helped Jason inside, Elinor trailing behind them, lost. Jason was calmer now, in possession of as much factual information as Serena could give him. As she gave a reassuring smile to Jason, and told him that Holby City Hospital would do everything they could for Doctor Bernie, her eyes flitted to the lift where she knew Bernie had been in moments ago, and dread filled her.

"Elinor, stay with Jason." Serena whispered, dully, before she ran in the direction of AAU.

Serena never even checked for a pulse.

***

"Female. 52. Hit by a car. GCS is 8, serious internal bleeding and possible injury to the C5-C6 from past trauma. We need to get her intubated and full bloods worked up." Raf had met the gurney at the lift, and as soon as he saw who it was all thoughts of a quick jaunt to Pulses for a break from Keller had fled his mind. He was in maroon scrubs, but his mind was firmly on the Acute Admissions Unit, taking over the notes from the paramedic and pushing in the Major himself. Fletch met him at the door, eyes wide. He'd had the call up from ED. "Cross-match ten units _at_ _least_ and page Mr Griffin and neuro. Get her into theatre now!" He said this last request to the porters, allowing him to have a moment with Fletch.

"What's happened?" Fletch asked, alarmed. Last he'd seen Berenice Wolfe had been with Jason, just flitting out into the corridor when Serena and her daughter started having an argy-bargie. 

"I don't know," Raf replied in his Scottish burr. He was looking this way and that; he had no clue where Ms Campbell was, not being privy to earlier events. He needed to get into that theatre as soon as she was intubated. "Apparently she was in the car park, and got run over saving someone or other..." 

"Well, do we know who?" Fletch asked, even more worried now. Eyes to the doorway, almost expecting another bed and flurry of notes.

"I met them at the elevator, didn't hear anything but the medics report."

"Serena?" Raf just shrugged in his response. Fletch nodded and headed to the nurse's station. They all had to be professionals now. No matter who was in that theatre, and on that metal slab. He picked up the phone to call Mr Griffin, no doubt to scrub in- he was one of the best they had, and Serena couldn't operate herself, not on Bernie cause of what they were to each other now. It was only a few weeks ago he'd been telling Jason what it meant when a woman puts on lots of makeup when an ex comes around. If they ever  _were_ exes. "- yeah, Mr Griffin? Nurse Fletcher on AAU. We need you here now to operate. It's Ms Wolfe." He nods to Raf, a silent tell:  _I've got this mate, you go scrub in._ He all but runs towards the OR. Fletch hangs up and gets about requesting a neuro consult. Getting hit by a car is bad for the back anyway, let alone if you're less than a year off a C5-C6 spinal fracture.

"Where is she?" Fletch looks up to see Serena there. But she's ashen-faced, disheveled and not the calm, cool and collected co-lead he usually sees on the ward. This was Serena utterly terrified. She meets his gaze, pain roaring into a fire in her eyes. "Nurse Flecther, where is Ms Wolfe?"

"Serena, you shouldn't be here." He starts. And like that; the fire dies and she crumbled, the shock washing over her as Fletch darts out, around the nurse's station, to catch her, keep her steady. It didn't take a genius to figure out who Bernie had pushed out of the way of a car. "Let's get you in your office, eh?"

"She... she  _can't._ " It also doesn't take a genius to figure out what word Serena missed at the end of that sentence. 

She can't  _die._


	3. Chapter 3

Ric was operating. Raf assisting. Fletch had paged a neuro consult once... twice... three times. It was like some sick, moronic joke on the bleeding body of Bernie Wolfe; _in the NHS there was a difference between being paged and being available._ The operating theatre itself was a mess; packs soaked in blood on any kidney dish remotely sterilized. There was so much blood, it gushed and it flowed. But in a way that was good, because it meant she was alive. Ric and Raf worked in tandem, an odd team but an effective one.

Serena was in her office. She needed to do something, anything. But she did nothing. Nothing but stare at a computer screen long since hibernated, as if she was frozen. In her mind's eye, she could see the fallen face of her partner. Her partner. God, they'd barely got around to giving it a label. Girlfriends too juvenile, lovers too ridiculous but partners... that fit. That was what they were, co-leads and equals. They talked to each other and understood each other. Partners was a good fit, because right now, Serena cannot imagine losing her.

And it is a possibility. _That_ terrifies her.

Hysteric anger bursts upwards. Damn Bernie Wolfe for jumping in, for saving Serena, for getting herself hurt, knowing damn well that she wasn't in peak condition! She'd had spine surgery less than a year ago! Why on Earth would she put herself in harm's way just for her? For her... _oh, god, Bernie_... guilt washed over Serena. It was irrational and silly because Serena knows if the positions had been reversed she would have done exactly the same. But she cannot help but worry, and toy with what ifs.

"Mum?" Elinor knocked on the door, entering hesitantly. Serena jerked her head upwards. Elinor perched at the edge of the desk. 

"Where's Jason?" Her voice is thick, low with disuse. A hand came up, toying with the necklace around her neck. Nervous tick. Elinor notices, casting her eyes to the floor. A pang of guilt hits Serena in the chest, she shouldn't be so harsh, should be nurturing and reassuring but it was all just such a mess. She didn't blame Elinor though, and her grip on the necklace tightened.

"Fletch is with him. He's okay, Mum." Serena lets out a breath, her fingers thumbing over the chain. Elinor blinks and Serena can now see the tears threatening to slip. "Bernie- Mum, I never meant... she's going to be okay isn't she?" Elinor needed her mum to tell her that, because her mum was always so knowledgeable, especially in the hospital she knew everything and could save all. Bernie might not be top of the Christmas card list for Elinor but she didn't want her to die, didn't want to see her mum like  _this._ They must really love each other, Elinor realised. " _Mum,_ please?"

Serena says nothing. There's nothing to say. She doesn't know. 

Eventually, she replies with a shrug. She has no clue about the damage Bernie has sustained, let alone if she'll even survive. Her jaw works at that idea... as if trying to contain the thoughts, chastising herself for even thinking them.

***

Jasmine had been and gone, taking Elinor with her. Serena was in no fit state to comfort her. Morven had taken a surgery that had come through so Serena was still sat at her desk, but now sipping a hot cup of tea, with nothing to stop the questions. She'd not even seen Ric go into the OR. She'd not seen Bernie after she'd gone into the hospital. Optimism shattered; was the last time she ever saw Bernie going to be on that gurney, being wheeled away, limb hand dropping as Serena's let hers go?

The door clicked open and Serena looked up, out of her daze. Raf. He came in, brown eyes wide and expressive as always. His cap was in his hands, twisted fabric the same colour of his scrubs. He'd changed. Serena can catalog it straight away; the creases from them being stuffed in a locker, the fact they were unblemished. It makes her think; how bad were things in there? 

"She's alive." He told her, and Serena let out an exclamation of relief, almost a cry to which her hand flew to her mouth. Bernie was alive.

"Stable?" It came as a whisper.

"Touch and go. She went into cardiac arrest but we've brought her around. She's in ICU, in a medically induced coma. Neuro took her to CT-"

"Her spine..." Trauma to the C5 and C6 was bad enough the first round but if she'd damaged it again... her speech should be fine but her motor skills run the risk of deterioration. Serena's thoughts are a medical journal. _An individual with an injury to the cervical spinal cord at the C5 level or below has a greater chance of retaining some motor and sensory function than a patient who experiences an injury to the C1-C4 levels._

"We're waiting on results. She's lost a lot of blood Serena and there was a liver injury. It's going to be a long road if she even makes it through the night." Raf explained. "She's got a lot of bruising around the C5-C6 and so she's in a neck brace till we can rule out damage on the CT. There is the possibility it's been damaged and she'll need nerve decompression surgery after her liver heals."

"Are you telling me she might be paralyzed?" Serena whispered through her fingers. Bernie would hate that. She'd rather die than to lose that, to lose mobility. To be weak, and out of control. She had mentioned it- back when Serena had given her that massage and hit a rouge nerve that had made Bernie jump nearly five feet off the chair. Serena searched Raf's face for the reply. She knew it before he said it.

"..yes."

"Can I go and see her, Raf?" Serena needed to see her.

"Of course, Ric should be in there. Listen, why don't Fletch and I take Jason home for the night? And check in on Elinor?" Raf offered, kindly. But Serena shook her head. Ellie would need to be signed off by Jasmine and Jason... well, she'd call Alan. See if he was available. He was much better with him. Besides Fletch was still recovering and they had the kids...

"No. Thank you though." Serena stood up and gave Raf a smile and a gentle squeeze on the arm. "For everything."

"I'll show you where she is. But Serena... prepare yourself. There was a lot of bruising." Serena nodded, and her shoulders went back. The mask went on.

She'd be fine. She'd had to be. Both of them; Bernie and Serena would be fine.


	4. Chapter 4

Ric hadn't changed out of his scrubs. The medium blue scrubs he'd managed to grab at short notice were clean from the operation, but there was a bit of blood on the hem of the top. There had been blood everywhere, he doesn't even know where it had come from. Only that it belonged to Bernie Wolfe. Dark, brooding eyes lift up, his gaze over the notes now falling to the figure in the bed.

Trauma scrubs would've been more appropriate for this operation. He shuts the notes, the folder closing with a snap before he puts them in the box at the end of the bed. The steady hum of machines, the twittering beeps, and chimes of hospital equipment were the only signs of life. Dear God, it was like Chantelle all over again. A colleague blurred, reduced to a pile of flesh scarred and bruised till she was to be woken and to become formidable once again. Ric's pager bleeped. Bloody hell, it was the Board. He needed to sort it out. But at the next sound, of a door opening and shutting, Ric turned and all his thoughts turned to: damn the Board. He was going to stay.

Ric didn't think he had ever seen Serena looking so small. She entered first, followed by a concerned looking Raf. They met eye contact, both of them knowing the full extent of Bernie's injuries. Raf left them to it and Ric turned his attention to Serena. She only had eyes for Bernie.

Her breathing was steady, her composure remarkable as she surveyed Bernie in the bed. But inside, her mind was racing, her guts seemingly twisting in knots inside her. Truth be told, she felt sick. There were all these wires... and tubes... and machines beeping and flashing at her. She knows what each is for, but she cannot focus on that now. Nothing logical matters. She's hesitant to enter the room fully, to break the spell; commit that the figure lying down is her Bernie. Her Bernie who is always so vibrant, so forceful and strong.

"I'll leave you to it." Ric said. They could go through the medicine later. Now, he felt like he was intruding on something. It hurt him to see Serena so beaten down, especially as Bernie had made her so happy. She'd had buckets of festive cheer this past month, and he'd mainly put it down to the reaction of fond annoyance from Bernie whenever 'reindeer deeley-boppers' were placed in the trauma surgeon's hair. Serena didn't acknowledge as Ric left the room and left her alone with Bernie.

*******

Serena stood still. She was all but screaming for her legs to move, to rush to her side and hold the hand of Bernie, but she couldn't do it. A sob pressed up through her throat, forcing it's way out as her ribcage tightened at the realisation of events caught up with her. Bernie could've died. She had gone into cardiac arrest. She could've died from being hit by that stupid, bloody car. And now she could be paralyzed. Raf had said they couldn't know the full extent of the damage till she woke up, and CT had a backlog of scans, so they didn't even have the results yet. Bernie was breathing; intubated, but they were still good, deep, reassuring breaths. But she's covered in bruises down the left side and her right eye is swollen shut. Bernie must've hit the straight in the back, twisting in the air to be flung on her side onto the road. All down one side they shone blue, tinting the pale cream of her usual skin colour. They travel from her wrists all the way up towards her collarbone, her neck. Serena can't see the extent of the damage, for Bernie is swamped in a hospital gown, and has a neck brace on. Full spinal precautions.

"Oh, Bernie." Serena whispered, and the name of her partner breaks the spell and Serena's feet can suddenly move again. She grabs a nearby chair and scrapes it along the floor to the side of Bernie's bed, on the right, so that she cannot see the bruises. She looks more like her Bernie at this angle. Serena let a watery smile grace her features, an instinctive reaction to seeing Bernie. Toying with the decision (she doesn't want to hurt Bernie any more than she already had) - Serena finally, gingerly, takes Bernie's hand. It's warm in her own, and Serena then places her other over it, running her fingers over Bernie's taking it all in, IV drip and all.

They'd been so close to losing each other. Tears are falling before she can stop herself and suddenly Serena's bent over the bed, sobbing and holding Bernie's hand, tethering herself to the other woman. Serena shakes uncontrollably; she's not cried like this since her mother died. It's ugly and its utterly human; why did this happen now? Why to Bernie? Why did Bernie run in front of the car? She should've- She might be-

Serena's was floundering in her thoughts. In the what ifs, in the worst case scenarios. She had to pull herself from it, and chose to focus on Bernie's face. It's peaceful underneath the medical equipment. There's a large cut on her forehead that is angry and red. Skin closure strips knitted it together like some macabre zebra crossing on her head. Her hair is flat and dull and so un-Bernie that the tears well up once more. Serena wiped them away with her right hand, her other hand still clasped in Bernie's. Red rims the hairline from washed blood staining, and Serena can take the time to notice the slight grey roots at her temple. Her right hand stretched out and toyed with Bernie's hair, smoothing it down, framing her face, trying to make her look more like her Bernie.

Finally, after a long pause, Serena heaved a breath, and lay her head down on Bernie's chest, listening to the reassuring heartbeat. She was going to be okay. She had to be. And suddenly, Serena felt so drained. She just wanted to be close to Bernie... she couldn't leave Bernie, not now.

Her eyes closed, blocking out the reality. If she thought hard enough then maybe... maybe they were just waking up, Serena having moved in the night to cuddle into Bernie, hands clasped together, waiting for the other to make a move but perfectly content listening to the other's heartbeat for a few precious, slow moments of a morning before Jason needed something or their pagers beeped or they had to go into work...

"Serena?" Serena opened her eyes and lifted her head from hospital sheets to see Raf there, eyes wide and concerned and Serena gave him a dulled smile. "Sorry to disturb. I'm just here to check in. Can I get you anything?"

"Has her CT come back yet?" Serena asked, and Raf avoided eye contact.

"Not yet. I've just sent Dr Burrows to go down and check on it. But Serena, you need to call Bernie's kids. With no parents living, they need to be here for her." Serena's nodded stiffly. Of course, Cameron and Charlotte would need to be told. Her hand tightened around Bernie's. Serena had very little rights when it came to Bernie's care. She wasn't related by blood or marriage. Hell, they'd barely been a couple for two months. It wasn't Raf's fault, and it's not likely there were any critical decisions to make because Bernie was going to heal, then they'd bring her out of the coma and then she'd be fine.

"Okay. Yes, I'll do that. Bern- she has the number in her phone. They should be in personal belongings."

"I can go get them for you." Raf offered, happy to help. Serena offered a thankful expression. She didn't want to move from Bernie's side.

"Thank you, Raf." Serena said before looking back at Bernie, softness on her face and tiredness in her eyes. Raf studied the woman, his friend, and the expression on her face. It was loving, indulgent but full of worry. Those two really were something special. Raf gave a nod, knowing he'd been all but dismissed. 

*******

And so came the procession. Not too many at a time, for it was still an ICU and there wasn't a mass of room. Morven came in to share a few reassuring words as Serena's stare fixed on tracing every wrinkle on Bernie's face. Ric popped by after a meeting with the board to offer his support- AAU would be top priority to keep it moving smoothly and efficiently whilst its two co-leads were occupied. Serena had thanked him, thinking of how lonely that office had seemed without Bernie being there. How had she not noticed that before? Fletcher came in to pass Serena a cup of coffee. It was a tad too sweet but she gulped it down all the same. Jasmine had knocked hesitantly before asking if there was anything she could do and Serena had just replied that she should keep doing her job as well as she had been. Jasmine had given a small smile at the compliment before backing out of the room, leaving the two women alone.

Alan had sent a text; he'd picked up Jason, soothed him and explained Serena's absence. Serena promised to call in the morning. Elinor had sat with Serena for an hour. They didn't talk much, just the odd word or two to put at ease Elinor's guilt and to be optimistic about Bernie's recovery. It hadn't been long before Liberty had collected her. Serena was spared having to interact with that god-awful woman, but Ellie had promised to check in tomorrow. Cameron had picked up and told Serena he'd be in first thing tomorrow; having to drive throughout the night to go and pick Charlotte upfrom university. Serena didn't ask if they'd be telling Marcus, only that she'd makesure that their mother would be okay, and that she wasn't going anywhere.

Raf didn't come back in till 2am, having had to switch between AAU and Keller for the rest of his shift. He came in to see that Serena was resting her head on Bernie's chest. She had nuzzled into her partner's side as much as she could whilst still being sat on the chair at the side of the bed. Raf had no clue how it was possibly comfortable, but Serena looked peaceful, asleep as she held the clasped hand of hers and Bernie's close, to rest under her chin, as if she'd fallen asleep after a feather-light kiss on the knuckles.

Raf got a blanket, placed it over Ms Campbell and then left, eyes meeting with Fletch and the nurses' desk as the two men shared a worried look at what might be in store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing sad stuff. But even I draw the line at this week's episode. I was so sad. Catherine Russell is amazing. I have also decided that to focus on Bernie and Serena, Elinor will LIVE in this AU. This is so Serena has some emotional fault, and someone other than Alan that can take care of Jason. It also may mean more scenes with Liberty and maybe (?) Edward. I'm just spit-balling now. If there are any scenes you want to see then let me know.
> 
> ALSO; question, you lovely Berena fans... who's up for a 'You've Got Mail' AU? I may have something cooking if people fancy it...


	5. Chapter 5

Serena woke up, bleary and not all together there. Her head was pounding and she let out a little groan of discomfort, nuzzling slightly into the warm body of her partner to try and get comfortable again. Her alarm wasn't ringing... so she wasn't late for her shift at least. Was it her day off? They were so few and far-between that sometimes Serena forgot due to being so used to the routine of early board meetings and long surgeries.

She'd had an awful dream. A nightmare really. Bernie had... Bernie wasn't okay, she'd been hurt or something. _Beep_. Medical machinery. She hadn't fallen asleep in the on-call room again, had she? They only did that when they both had a drink in the office when off-shift. Beep. It irritated her. Screwing her eyes shut, she mumbled something, getting ready to prod Bernie if she didn't switch off her pager. It was her pager. Had to be.

_Beep_.

"B'nie." Serena mumbled. "What the hell is that noise?" She puffed out, and then waited for a response. None came from Bernie. _Beep_.

Then it hit her. The blanket around her became tangible, the crick in her neck now had a cause as she bolted upright with a wince. Not a nightmare. It was the reality. She'd fallen asleep by Bernie's bedside in the ICU. The machinery was Bernie's, but not a bloody pager. It was her heartbeat. A noise belonging to the tubes and wires and units plugged into her beloved. Serena let out a low sigh. She propped her chin with a fist resting on Bernie's bed. She was still unconscious. Still lifeless. Well, medically induced coma. But she was still here, Serena could be grateful for that. Raf had said it'd be a miracle if she got through the night and here they were. Well, well, Wolfe... maybe miracles were in your department after all. 

Serena leant back in the chair, wincing again. It might have been good to sleep close to Bernie, but it was hellish on her back. She wasn't a spry young thing anymore. Restless, she checked her phone. It was just gone 8 in the morning. A bloody lie-in in her books, though she was more drained than when she had gone to sleep. Cameron had texted. He and Charlotte would be arriving when they had told Marcus what had happened. No later than noon.

Was it bad she was grateful? They had a right to see Bernie, but Serena felt protective, especially as Bernie lay there looking so vulnerable. She wanted to keep the blonde to herself for a little while longer. As well as pull herself together. 

"Serena?" She looked up at the voice to see Fletch there, holding a cup of coffee. Her mouth watered. It must've shown on her face because Fletch's face split into a grin, passing it to her. "I asked for your usual." She took it gratefully. He put his hands in his pocket, growing quiet as he looked over to his other boss. "No complications in the night, then?"

Serena sipped her coffee and smacked her lips together. "Not that I know of. Though I was out for the count when they did obs." 

"Serena, if you don't mind me askin'... what 'append?" Serena took another sip. "I can go if ya like-"

"No, it's fine. Elinor was angry. Got into the car and then... well she was driving, went too fast, heading... straight for me." Serena said, alternating between slow words and a tumble of sentances. "Bernie ran and... got hit. She pushed me out of the way and I hit the gravel. I didn't see her get hit. The next thing I know she's..." A sob wracked her. Damn it. "She's on the floor and she's not responding." Her body heaved with a great cry and Fletch stood there, compassionate and dumbfounded. Serena clamped a hand over her mouth, stifling herself somewhat. 

"Look, you're not gonna be any use to 'er if she wakes up and sees you a mess, eh? Listen, I finish up in a bit. I can drop you home, you can get a change of clothes for you, get Bernie sommit." Fletch offered, Serena nodded, giving a watery smile. They'd arrived for work together, her and Bernie, and in her car. She didn't have a lift home and she wasn't going to take Bernie's car. It just didn't compute as an option.

"Thank you, Fletch. Who's still here?" She asked, taking another gulp of her coffee.

"Well, Raf had to go back up to Keller, but Mr Griffin's stuck around and Morven 'n Jasmine are still on shift. They're pulling a double. I would but I've gotta get back for the kids." He apologised. She waved him away. Extraordinary, how this ward was like a family. They pull together in a crisis. 

"No, of course. Of course." She allowed, draining the last of the coffee. She felt better, mildly. The caffeine had perked her up a little bit, for which she was grateful. She patted down her hair, pretty sure she looked a fright, and stood up to straightened her blouse. "Thank you, Nurse Fletcher. I'll collect my things and be ready for when your shift finishes." 

Fletch took this as a dismissal, but he didn't begrudge her for it. He gave her a nod and left the room, leaving Serena stood by Bernie's side. She knew it was a good thing, a practical thing for her to go home, change, look presentable for when Bernie pulled round or was allowed out of the coma but Serena had a terrible feeling she might... _miss something_. Good or bad, Serena was scared she'd miss it. She checked Bernie's charts at the end of the bed. She was stable. Serena consoled herself with the black and white facts of medical jargon, surrounding herself by certainty in a time of uncertainty. She should go home. 

But she was detirmed not to be gone for long. She needed clothes, yes, and her toothbrush and all other nessecities. But she could shower at the hospital. She didn't need to go to Bernie's flat, some things would be at her house, enough for a change of clothes, some pajamas. A hairbrush; an item that Serena was pretty sure was fairly new ever since Bernie had started staying over. Bernie's hair was loathed to conform to any force, however. But anything would be better to the dull and lifeless mop that surrounded her face now. 

Serena put the file back and walked over to brush Bernie's hair from her face, carefully, her touch a feather on her cheek. Still full spinal precautions. She'd need to run up that CT scan herself no doubt. Jasmine Burrows or even Raf DiLucca were nothing to the imaging department compared to Ms Serena Campbell, Clinical Co-Lead on the Acute Admissions Unit. Especially when it came to matters concerning Bernie Wolfe. 

Serena kissed Bernie softly on the forehead, pausing to whisper against flesh:

"Don't you dare go anywhere, my darling." 

*******

Fletch drove blissfully quickly. His car was a claptrap of MOTs and sheer willpower so the noise made it fairly easily to not talk, as it filled the silence. She clutched her handbag close, stared out of the window. He didn't get out of the car with her, though he offered. Serena told him to get back to the kids, and he'd be paged if anything happened with Bernie. Fletch seemed to be happy with that.

Serena was quickly in, dropping her handbag and heading upstairs to the bedroom. She was going to be fast, clinical, get what she needed and then get back to the hospital. Bernie's clothes were in the drawer on the bedside table on the left-hand side. Serena's clothes were all in the wardrobe. Toiletries in the en-suite. 

Yet that all came to a halt when she entered the room. The covers on the bed were mussed up. Serena closes her eyes; can picture it. The hurried morning for both women. Bernie had stopped the night. They'd woken, safe and comfortable, wrapped in each other and in the duvet, both of them reluctant to get up. Soft morning kisses by the time the alarm rang, bodies stretching and joints clicking by the time Jason knocked, wondering what was taking them so long. All domestic, all happy... almost routine. 

_"Come on, you. We've got a shift to get to."_

_"I'd much rather stay here."_

_"So would I but I doubt Ric would be pleased. Besides, you're usually up by now, doing some ungodly thing like running, for Pete's sake."_

_"Well, I can't help it today, Campbell. Sometimes you're so_ irresistible _."_

_"Only sometimes?"_

_"Always."_

_"Going soft on me Major?"_

Serena let out a hard puff of air through her nostrils, opened her eyes, charged over to make the bed and then get on with packing a bag for the hospital.

*******

Jason called. Serena had just managed to park in the carpark, (her usual spot), when her nephew rang, obviously wanting to know how she was. Serena had made plans with Alan that it was best if Jason called her rather than the other way around, in case she forgot or was preoccupied. It would only further Jason's upheaval.

"Auntie Serena." Jason said when she picked up, cradling the phone to her ear as she unlocked her car door to get out. 

"Jason, hello!" She forced some joviality into her tone as she answered. "Is everything alright at Alan's?" 

"Of course it is. I factored in calling you so you didn't disrupt my routine so much."

"No? Well- well, that's good. I'm glad." She smiled, honestly this time. Jason had a rather remarkable way of cheering her up, even in the heartache she was in. His blunt words and logical mannerisms were a gift, really. 

"How is Doctor Bernie? Elinor said she wasn't dead but she wasn't moving either. Is she dead, or was she like Alan when he got sick?" Serena entered the hospital, bypassing Pulses for once and heading straight into the lift, bouncing from foot to foot. She was really anxious to get back to Bernie.

"No, no, Jason- she's, er, she's not dead. In fact, she's stable at the moment and made it through the night. She's just sleeping now." A polite way to put a medically induced coma.

"I suppose that's understandable. She did get hit by a car." Jason pondered. "Should I get her a get well card?" Serena placed fingers on her lips to stifle the joyous giggle that threatened to break forth.

"Yes, Jason. Yes, I think that would be lovely." The lift doors opened and Serena saw Ric standing there. Her smile fell. His expression was grim. "Now Jason, I've got to go now. I'll talk to you later, yeah, love?" After hurried goodbyes, she stepped out to meet Ric, her gaze fearful. All the happiness Jason had brought was replaced by the overwhelming feeling of nausea again. "What's happened?"

"Marcus and the kids are here. I'm sorry but ICU rules state I can't let you in. There are too many visitors already." Serena's gaze fell to the floor. Obviously, she couldn't do anything about that. And three visitors were rather a lot, though she'd be lying if she wasn't surprised Marcus had turned up. Still. 

"Understandable." She forced a small smile. The overnight bag swung limply by her side. A renewed urgency; "But she's alright? She's still stable, and her blood pressure, it was a bit high before is it-"

"Serena, you know this isn't easy but she's doing remarkably well given the circumstances. I can't give you any more than that." Ric put a hand on her arm, rubbed it consolingly. He knew this must be agony to Serena. But legally, without her being named emergency contact and with the divorce still looming, as well as Charlotte and Cam's entitlement to see their mother; three was a crowd. Serena threw a troubled

Serena threw a troubled and yearning gaze to the ICU. She could see the shadowy figures of Cameron, Marcus and a girl who could only be Charlotte. 

"Right." Her voice was a dead weight. "I'll... I'll be in my office then." She walked as fast as she could, and shut the door behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

Marcus, Cameron, and Charlotte. Three people. It was pushing the visitation rules of the ICU. But of course, no one would begrudge them for that. They were all family. Despite Serena's longing, and  _fierce_ longing at that, to get in there and be by Bernie's side in case something happened- in case she woke up, in case she deteriorated in some way, in case the CT results came, in case... in case she went somewhere Serena couldn't follow... despite all of that, she knew it wasn't her place. She was the outsider. An odd concept. She was Bernie's partner, co-lead and far closer to her than someone such as Marcus. But he had the right, didn't he? The divorce wasn't finalized just yet- not over. The likelihood was that Bernie had never changed her next of kin. She always hated paperwork, and was one of the most disorganized women Serena had ever met, though always knew where something was if she had to find it. It was consistently amazing to someone such as Serena, who was meticulous in her upkeep of her desk and household.

She was restless for the next few hours. Her mind used to the situation, over the numbness that had overcome her in the first 24 hours of the accident. Now instead of staring into space in her office chair, she was fidgeting in the office, put off by the lack of Bernie in the chair opposite. She tried paperwork, resting her head on a hand, propped up on her elbow as she scanned notes and briefings. Filed the necessary things with HR to notify wards officially of Bernie's accident and request a locum. All through email. She couldn't bare to hear the concerned tones of Ric, even if he would try to help. Serena would just cry again, most likely.

The black and white helped. She was a doctor; an order to things was comforting. 

But every now and again her gaze would catch something; a pile of folders stacked messily on the corner of Bernie's desk, a stray pen that you could see peeking out from the shadow of the monitor. Bernie's coat hung up on the back of the door. That's right- she'd not grabbed it when Elinor stormed off. So there it was, limp and pink, fabric bristling with the air from the overhead fan. As if she was all of a sudden about to burst into the office, muttering to herself after surgery, grab the coat and shuffle off for a cigarette break that she insisted was a coffee break. Bernie wasn't secretive- Serena knew full well she smoked, but there was a degree of shame after so many attempts at quitting. Serena didn't begrudge her stress relief, having partaken in a cigarette herself on occasion. Besides, Bernie would always return, a little lighter, the case behind her, and with two full-fat lattes in her hand.

Serena huffed. Admin was a necessary evil, and a part of the daily grind, but she'd rather be doing it in the ICU than in here. She'd actually rather be in surgery, but couldn't leave the ward. Morven was stepping up and luckily it was a fairly quiet day. She toyed with the biro in her fingers, leaning back in her chair when the click of the door brought her out of her thoughts. Looking up to see who had entered, she smiled.

"Cameron." She breathed easy as the lanky man stood, hesitant in the doorway. He looked good, all things considered. Had a haircut, or perhaps that was too much of a motherly thing to notice. He gave her a wry smile, compassionate eyes, so like his mother's, crinkling at the edges.

"Ms Campbell." He was in civvies, a plaid shirt in dark colours thrown over a grey t-shirt, with jeans and converse. His eyes were red-rimmed. Crying recently, though the orbs were now dry. He'd waited till they'd gone before coming to see Serena. But however personal the circumstances, he still addressed her as his boss. 

"Serena." She corrected him, earning a full blown grin despite the circumstances. 

"Serena..." Awkward, a hand moving to rub the back of his neck. "I'm sorry I didn't text when we got here." Serena looked away, deciding to go over to Bernie'sdeskand straighten that pile of folders that had been bugging her. It also helped to look down, not show her expression to the young Dunn. 

"I'm sure I'm the last thing you were thinking about." She brushed her off. But her fear overrode any and all self-protection as she looked up, wide-eyed, needing to know; "Bernie- Your mother-"

"She's fine. All good, or so they tell me. The CT came back though." Cameron explained, knowing how much the two women cared for each other. Loved, even, if he was to guess. His mum certainly had never been so happy, even in the good years of his parent's marriage. Charlotte and his dad had gone down to Pulses. Marcus had no obligation to Serena and Charlotte was still very much... it was still difficult to wrap her head around it all. It was good she'd come to see Bernie, even without introducing her to their mother's new 'girlfriend'. Cam liked Serena though. Knew he owed this to her, and that she'd be out her mind.

"And?" She clipped, dreading the answer. Cam put his hands in his pockets. _So like his mother._

"Some swelling around the base of the spinal cord but till she walks up, they couldn't say anything for certain. It's probably it'll go down on its own or... paralysis." He said the last word so softly, but it was certainly the loudest. Serena's jaw clenched. She leant on the desk. Serena knew it had been a possibility but there had been that sliver of hope before the CT results. Now it was merely a pinch.

"Bernie would hate that." She admitted, more to herself, though Cam nodded and gave a stricken smile.

"Mum never could keep still." A soft smile crossed Serena's features off of that, at the dry comment of Bernie's habit to run. You'd just run towards me this time, hadn't you, darling? Her look grew pensive and more and more sad. It was her fault all of this. God, if she had just... Cam interrupted her thoughts, seeming to know what vein she was thinking. "Listen, Serena, Morven told me... it's not your fault, you know that, right?"

"That's a lovely thing to say, Cameron, but you weren't there." Serena told him, wryly. She pulled the edges of her outer blouse, wrapping it around herself before folding her arms in a protective way. Elinor was driving due to Serena. Serena hadn't moved out of the way. Bernie had run in front of that car to save Serena. Because of Serena. It was pretty cut and dry to the vascular surgeon. "But tell me," She started, changing the subject. "How are you holding up? And Charlotte? I saw her in the ICU with you and your father." It was a good change of tactic. 

"Charlotte's doing okay. My dad's pretty quiet about all of it. He and Mum haven't seen each other since she left the house. It's all been through lawyers since the divorce started." Cameron explained to a sympathetic Serena. Whilst Serena would partially be delighted in anything bad befalling Edward, she'd not like it very much, for Elinor's sake at least. 

"Bernie mentioned about Charlotte getting in touch?" Serena prodded. He was fully in the right to tell her to mind her own business but Cameron seemed happy enough to talk about it to her.

Serena remembered the nervousness that had come over Bernie, seeing the call was from Charlotte. It had been in the middle of a shift, in this very office, and Bernie had mouthed it over to Serena, who had squeezed her hand in support, and left the office, fully aware that Bernie would need her space for it. Still, she had loitered around the nurses' desk till the blonde had emerged, looking baffled, nervous but somehow unburdened. Charlotte had wanted to meet.

"Yeah... they arranged to meet but then the first one got canceled because of Charlotte having plans, and then..." He didn't need to finish the sentence. Serena knew it was that the meeting hadn't happened due to Bernie's accident. 

"Right."

"Listen, I should go meet my dad and Charlotte. Look after Mum for me, yeah? You two are good together." Cameron said, kindly and Serena blushed. _Like a ruddy teenager with a crush._ "And don't worry, I'll be in for my shift and everything."

"I wasn't worried." Serena was quick to say. In truth, the last thing on her mind were rotas. "Don't worry about your mother okay? We look after our own. She's in good hands. I promise." It was a weighty promise, one she was afraid of breaking, but she felt she had to make it- to give herself confidence, strength and the bravery so that Serena could see the light at the end. Blasted events still just felt like a dream. 

Cameron left. Serena quickly collected a bunch of patient files, her laptop from her handbag as well as the rucksack from Bernie's place. She went out onto the ward, scanning it and was pleased to see not everything had turned to utter chaos. It was a little disheartening, a little greyer... the trauma unit wasn't the normal bustling haven for Bernie as it normally was. But there was Jasmine, over at Bay 8. There was Lou, and Steve and porters going to and fro. Morven was pouring over files at the nurses' desk. A bunch of flowers lay there next to her. A big bunch of tulips; shop bought. Serena frowned and went to them.

"Secret admirer, Morven?" She asked, making the girl look up, startled. 

"No, no, sorry. They're for Bernie." Morven let her know gently. Very intuitive and sensitive was Dr Digby. Serena let out a small noise of realisation and saw a card nestled into the blooms. She picked it up, as Morven continued, rambling a little. "They were sent up around an hour ago, but obviously we can't put them into ICU or anything, because that would be against the rules. Of course, when Bern- Ms Wolfe gets put into a regular room or bed on the ward, we can pop them on her bedside, to cheer her up. I didn't really know what to do with them, and I didn't want to disturb-"

"That's quite alright, Doctor Digby. If you want to put them in my office, then that'd do nicely, till Bernie can be brought round." Serena said in her usual authoritative tone. She looked up from the small card, at the junior doctor and her gaze softened. She replaced the card in the holder. "Henrik." She said, by way of explanation. "It's from the hospital. Wishing her a speedy recovery."

"Oh, that's nice." Morven replied, smiling. Serena nodded. Yes, it rather was. Despite Henrik's outward appearance of a Swedish Ice-Man, Serena knew that the CEO of Holby City was a rather caring man; and a wise one. Even from Sweden he was all-knowing. Ric must've been keeping him briefed of the hospital. If he wasn't worried, it gave Serena hope that she needn't be. 

*******

"Hello, love." Serena said, softly, closing the door behind her slowly, as if not to wake the slumbering Bernie. The logical part of her knew that nothing was going to wake her, not with that amount of drugs pumping through her. Still, she made her way to the side of Bernie's bed, pulling around a chair to the side, so that Serena could reach Bernie's hand once sat. She didn't sit yet however and merely put the bags down by the door, taking out a few bits and bobs; a hairbrush, a photograph of Charlotte and Cameron that Bernie said she always kept with her on tours, and a small lipgloss. Didn't want her lips to go all cracked and dry. Serena propped the photo up on the bedside table along with the other items. She folded away the blanket from her last visit, depositing it on the back of the chair before she sat down. Her folders were close by but she didn't reach for them. Serena instead went to Bernie's hand, clasping with both of hers. She kissed it, and nuzzled it slightly with her nose, breathing in the scent of Bernie underneath all the disinfectant of the ward. Heaved a sigh.

There was a theory, that patients in comas could hear everything that was said to them, whilst under. Serena had never more wanted it to be true. She remembered, bittersweet, the time that she had probed Fletch on the same theory, if he had heard anything. More specifically, if he had heard Serena's confession on Bernie. How far they had come then. How far since  _Stepney._ Her face still burned when she thought of that little white lie. God, could she have been any more embarrassing. And then Bernie with her bloody slender legs as long as the great wall of China and the white blouse that was undone just a little too much...

How far they had come. She reached over and brushed a wayward lock. Damn fringe, always was too long. And Bernie had such lovely eyes as well. Frustration burnt in her heart; she wanted those eyes  _open._ Serena wanted Bernie: awake, alive, healthy. So far the only thing she had was the Bernie was alive. That had to be enough for now.

Serena took a deep breath, her patient files in hand and began scribbling. She spoke to Bernie as she did so, about Jason, that he had asked after her. She spoke of the flowers from the hospital, and how the ward was doing. Most of all she spoke of them, as a couple. The dates they'd been on. The stupid fights. The less stupid fights. She spoke of Elinor, about how Ellie was hoping to visit. She spoke of Marcus and Bernie's children, that they had visited. Anything and everything that came to mind. 

Until the beeping got quicker. Patient files fell to the the floor. The monitor flashed red. It was all blurry. Serena didn't know what to do; her mind blank. Failing. Bernie was failing. Her heart rate going down, BP plummeting. All of a sudden the doors to the ICU burst open. Nurses, and Morven and the AAU team charged in, doing what Serena herself had done multiple times. Serena stood, fist around her necklace charm. 

"Bernie?" Serena cried out. 

"Ms Campbell, you need to get out." Morven took charge, inserting another drip. "Lou, page Mr Griffin. _Now._ We need to get her to theatre!"

"What's happening? Morven?" Serena was being shepherded out of the room, herded by a wall of nurses obscuring Bernie from her sight. No, no she was a doctor damn it there had to be something she could do. "BERNIE!"

They had already gone through so much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Marion for helping with this chapter x

Serena is sobbing again. It's a weird cycle and it leaves her drained; she's fine, she's tired, Bernie is fine but then something goes wrong and Serena crumbles again. It's a cruel and horrible and once again there she is, stock still in her ward as the ICU is closed off from her. She sees Ric brush against her, rubber gloves on, purpose in hsi walk as he heads in to help. Serena barely blinks. Then they all come out, and Morven is on the bed, performing CPR on Bernie, her hands pressing down on Bernie's chest, pumping. She's in VF, has to be. Whatever is happening, her body isn't coping with the stress and her heart is shutting down. 

Serena panics.

"No, no, no! You'll break her ribs, she's already got swelling around the the C5-C6!" Serena yells, moving with the trolley, desperately trying to help as Ric's barked orders wash over her. Her vision becomes that little bit narrower, neck straining as she tries to block everything out and decipher where, in between all the staff and medical equipment, is Bernie. But all she sees is scrubs and gowns and a blanket and it's too late for anything else because she's entered OR1 and is out of Serena's reach.

Fletch is nearby and Serena turns, grabs him by the arms and sends him reeling a tad, but she is too riled to care. She has to make someone listen, someone know.

"They need to do a defib, she can't keep up with those compressions, it'll break Bernie's ribs!" Serena told him, urgently. He seemed to gather himself, knowing what was going on and he placed her hands off of his arms, giving her kind and wise eyes that placated the most difficult of patients.

"All right, Serena, but you need to stop fretting, okay? I'll let them know but Bernie is gonna be fine, you got tha'? Just fine. She's a tough one." Serena put a hand to her forehead, close to hyperventilating.

"I don't understand, she was fine- did we miss something, we had to have missed something. She'd made it through, her CT was fine, the bruises were clearing up nicely..." She trusted Ric, she did, and Raf and Morven. She wouldn't have them on her team if she didn't, but Serena was terrified for Bernie, for herself. And she simply couldn't cope with being out of control.

"Serena, calm down okay?" 

"Just- just tell them, tell them to look for a clot or something that might have caused it, something we missed. Tell them to be careful of her ribs, Fletch. I need her-" She chokes at the honesty in the statement: she needs her. Serena Campbell needs Bernie Wolfe. Fletch patted her shoulder and then ran off into the OR to rely the message, leaving Serena alone on the ward.

"Mum?" Serena is torn out of her funk by the sound of Elinor, who is standing at the entrance to the ward with two coffee cups. She's immediatley striding over. Coffee is deposited on the nurses' station and she wraps her arms around Serena, who sobs into Elinor's shoulder. Elinor feels terrible. She caused this. It was impossible, however much Ellie might not trust or warm to Bernie yet, that the two women were in love. Elinor couldn't care less about all that, but the fact that her mum was hurting. It was a shock to see her usually stoic and in control mother freely crying in the middle of the ward.

She clung to her daughter, sobs wracking her, making her ugly as she gripped on tight. Elinor was flabbergasted, but quick to hold her mother. She supported her, and managed to get her into a side room. Elinor had inherited her mother's dagger eyes so there was no way that any of the staff would hold this breakdown against the formidable head of AAU. It wasn't needed though. AAU was a family, everyone said so, and it was true; the entire ward was now just worried about their co-leads. 

Elinor was quick, logical, and able to get her mum breathing properly again, so that soon, Serena felt the aching feeling of shame at having been so emotional on the ward. Her hands went up to wipe away tears, fix her hair, pull herself together. 

"Mum..." Elinor tried, seeing if Serena might talk to her. Elinor reached out to hold her mum's hand. "What happened? Where's Bernie?"

"She crashed. They- They took her into theatre. I missed something, I must have done. It's probably a pseudoaneurysm, or a bleed that wasn't picked up or a problem with the heart..." She was rambling now, her medical brain now a curse against her as she thought of every complication and every consequence. The idea that Bernie might die was...

_It broke her._ Silent tears began running down again. But at least her head was clear. She wasn't panicking anymore, she was just crumbling. Serena bit her lip, willed herself to stay strong, and not fall down again, especially in front of Elinor. "I need to get in there."

"No, Mum, you can't!" Elinor cried, as Serena took no notice, striding out with purpose. Yes, she knew she couldn't operate on Bernie, but that wasn't the point, she needed to know what was going on, what was wrong and that Ric and the team were doing everything they possibly could to fix it. That they wouldn't give up on Bernie without giving her half a chance. 

Serena all but power-walks to the observation room just off the OR, with the glass wall so she can see directly into theatre. She's seen many ORs in her career, but this one just seems chaotic. When it's not her in charge, then she focuses on everything; how many staff are rushing around the patient, the many instruments glinting, and all those that have stopped because they are now covered in blood. The pile of packs and gauze, stained with red now. Ric is at the helm, all suited and booted in his cap, scrubs and mask.

Serena presses the intercom.

"Ric?" She calls out, the unspoken request of an update loud and clear. She hears a clatter of doors behind her- Elinor has followed her in, remembering the way from the thaw she had with Bernie a few days ago. Elinor comes to a short, sudden stop behind her both, eyes widening. She isn't used to this, feels mildly sick at all the blood. Serena is sharp and focussed in the artificial lights, her hand pressing hard on the intercom, waiting for a reply. Ric has heard her, looked up, and she can see the frown that becomes him; from the shape of his brow, the wrinkles in his mask. He doesn't want her here.

_Tough luck._

"Ric!" She yells, with all the might she can. She will not be ignored.

"Serena, you shouldn't be here." Ric replied, hard and stony.

"What happened? What's going on with Bernie?"

"Elinor, get your mother out of here."

"Mum, maybe we should-"

"No." She brushed her daughter off. Her jaw was tight, her eyes wide. She needed to know what the hell was going on, if her medical mind had produced the right answer, if there was something she could do; a suggestion or a technique she could pass on. If there was anything _she_ could do to save Bernie's life. Her voice wobbled and then burst forth from her chest. "Ric!" But then something happened, and she went slack-jawed as Ric leapt into action. Everything was wrong. Quieter: "Ric?"

"She's going into shock. Hypoxic and Tachycardic. We're looking at arterial thrombus causing a major myocardial infarction, my guess it's full STEMI. I want bloods pushed and defib at the ready-"

"Ric!"

"Someone get her out of here!" Ric yelled as he focused on the body in front of him. On Bernie, clad in tubing and sheets. A cap over her head, looking vulnerable at the mercy of the senior surgeon. But Ric is worried. He cries out, as he watches the heart (Bernie's chest is open). The heart is spasming, contracting. It's dying. "Someone get me Ms Naylor!"

"BP Falling." The anesthetist read out. Ric gritted his teeth.

"Come on, Major." Urgent beeping. Ric swears under his mask. Serena leans forwards, at the edge of the observations room, terrified. " _Gah_ \- she’s gone into VF - AED defib, please." Ric reaches forward, and Serena's throat constricts. She doesn't need a view to know that Bernie's chest is open. Ric's got his hands around her heart, doing CPR until the defibrillator is charged. Serena is frozen, rooted to the spot. She barely even blinks, her eyes wide. Ric is urgent, keeping an eye on the defib. "Right, we're charged." He lets go of Bernie's heart. Serena feels her own being ripped out. "Clear! Shocking!" Bernie's entire being jerks. Everyone looks at the ECG.

"Still no output." Serena whispers. She feels sick.

"Okay, I'm going in again. Ready?" All of the staff move away. Ric goes in again. _BAM_. Everyone holds their breath.

"Ric!" Serena yells, needing a response. Needing something. Nothing is happening, everyone is frozen. No output. Serena steps forward, animalistic, she needs Bernie to be alive. Serena pounds on the glass, loud and rattling. Driven by insistence, because she cannot let Ric give up. She jams her hand onto the intercom again. "Do it again. _Shock again, Mr Griffin!_ " 

"Serena..."

"Ric!" Ric does it, reaching in again, shocking with the paddles. Time moves. Again, and again, Ric shocks, and performs CPR, does his damned best. Again and again, Serena looks over at that ECG. She's not in VF anymore. She's flatlined. Bernie's flatlined. 

Serena places her palm to the glass, using it to steady herself. 

"It's been 15 minutes." Ric says, full of empathy, at the charged woman on the other side of the glass. He is sorrowful; Bernie is a respected colleague, a friend even. And he knows how much the couple were in love. How much they should have had left to do. How little time they had had together. He trails off. "I think we may have done everything we can. She's been down for too long, Serena."

"We are not losing her!" Serena yells into the intercom, eye contact with Ric, burning passion and drive and fight in her gaze which would make grown men quiver. But it makes Ric strengthen his spine. He nods. Silent conversation: he will do everything he can. This fight isn't over.

Twice more, they shock Bernie.

"Come on, darling." Serena mutters, just able to see a peak of her love's face behind staff members. She can do this. Bernie can do this. She will be fine. She has to be. 

"Mum?" Elinor's voice trembles behind her. Serena reaches out, grabs Elinor's hand and holds it tight. She needs the support now. Her daughter needs to watch her back, whilst her love cannot.

"Shocking!" Ric warns. Again, the room holds it's breath as Bernie's body jerks.  _Then-_ "There’s an output! She's back in VF. The Major's not going down without a fight." Ric is ecstatic, but knows it's a long haul still to come. _Serena_... Serena nearly falls down, a breath of relief causing her to sag, to be held up by her daughter. 

"Mum, we should go, okay? You need rest. And Bernie's okay now, isn't she?" 

Wordlessly, Serena allows herself to be lead back onto the ward, and into her office. Elinor leaves her to go and get two fresh coffes. Serena puffs out a breath. Her head is in her hands. Lets out a _whimper_.


End file.
